Recently I was triggered by a situation that I observed at one of the organizations I consulted with. It inspired me to write todays contribution about Intimidation. Intimidation can happen everywhere, in all walks of life and can occur in any age group. Being intimidated by someone is a form of being bullied, it happens in school, the workplace by co-workers or the boss. In many other situations people sometimes feel intimidated.
Some people are not even aware that they are being intimidated, they barely notice it because they do not know (anymore) what a normal way of communication should or could be or because they are not receptive for these kind of “assaults” and are very much self-aware. However, for some, it can make their life full of misery when they suffer day in and day out intimidation attempts. Be aware: you might even be the one who is intimidating others. As not all intimidations are done with bad intentions.
Intimidation, a wolf in sheep’s clothes
People who are constantly intimidated go through many feelings, but there are many steps that you can take to help eliminate intimidation. In order to be able to deal successfully with intimidation you first have to understand what intimidation really is, it can come in many disguises.
- Using force to get what you want from others
- Threatening to or using power and control to get others to do what the intimidator wants
- Getting others to believe you are more powerful than them
- Using size or strength to get others to do what you want or threaten them
- Holding punishments over their head such as being fired, spanking or divorce
- Being quick tempered, angry or getting into a rage with someone to get them to do what you want
- Behaving in a manner that has others frightened to step up to you
- Using your wealth to get others to do what you want
- Using racial or sexual slurs towards others
- Putting unrealistic time pressure or unclear goals and directions
Say halt to intimidation
There are many steps you can take to stop allowing others to intimidate you. The first step you should take is to look at yourself and determine if your are irrational, unhealthy in your way of thinking that may have allowed yourself to become intimidated by others. If you think this might have been the case then you should take steps towards
- Identify new healthier ways of thinking to help you overcome and respond to the intimidating factors
- Display your new ways of thinking and acting to those who are intimidating you, this will show them that you are no longer willing to be intimidated by them
- Develop ways of dealing with people in case they respond negatively to the new you
- See the consequences of your new assertive behavior
- Stick to your guns and accept whatever the consequences are of your new behavior
Reinforce anti Intimidation misiles
The next step to take once you have developed a strategy for dealing with those who intimidate you is to develop ways to reinforce your beliefs in the new you. The easiest way is to use daily affirmations or positive self-talk. Examples of positive self-talk include for example:
- I am a good person, who is worthy and deserves to be treat with respect
- I will not put anyone in a superhuman position over me
- I will take my life back under my control from any who tries to intimidate me in the future
- I will not allow others to intimidate me
- There is no one out there who can intimidate me
Always realize that the one that is intimidating or does intimidate you (deliberately) is somebody who developed that strategy as a way to their success. It became their strategy because it brought them what they wanted in the past, hence they will keep on doing it unless they are proven otherwise. Very often the intimidator is displaying this behavior because of lacking the right communication skills or even more in general, the required competence to complete certain tasks. It is their way to cope with their short comings.
Have a conscious day!